Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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