I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize