i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
