the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We were destined to go to rehab together
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
