dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
