i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
