you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
