Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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