is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Soap is not a condiment
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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