Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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