she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
