Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
