ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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