wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize