What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
