i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
