So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Randomize
