It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
