I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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