I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
