What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
