You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So much Jack, so little girl.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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