I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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