3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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