bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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