I got her a Nickelback box set.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
