I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Too much gin, very little bucket
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
