So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
