Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
