im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize