Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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