Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

I can feel you judging me through the phone.

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(815): View more from Illinois

I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.

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(802): View more from Vermont

I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.

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(607): View more from New York

We can grow old together and our livers can fail together

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(573): View more from Missouri

I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."

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(712): View more from Iowa

ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.

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(316): View more from Kansas

ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.

(316): View more from Kansas

And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming

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(915): View more from Texas

He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.

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(812): View more from Indiana

He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.

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