I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
