now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
