You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
