oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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