First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
