remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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