Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
