cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Randomize
