hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
