I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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