If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Pooping to opera.
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