Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize