i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize