he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize