Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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