Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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