just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
