maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
