i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I am one with the molecules
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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