D3 body, D1 cock
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
