it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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