i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
