My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize