just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
