so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
