If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize