He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize