just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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