I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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