Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
