i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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