Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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